https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/articles/why-toxic-people-excel-making-110017612.html
I've always been fascinated by people who make friends easily, even when they treat others poorly. Despite their lack of empathy, they excel at manipulating others. Their meanness gets rewarded with compliments, invites and social media likes.
"Sometimes these toxic traits and behaviors can stem from intentionally hurtful behavior or immaturity," Charlynn Ruan, a licensed clinical psychologist and the founder of Thrive Psychology Group, told HuffPost. "But whether their behaviors are strategic or not, the pain remains the same." In fact, you might get pulled into their orbit before you realize the truth about them.
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Have these social chameleons cracked the code for making friends? To get to the bottom of this, we asked three relationship experts about the signs of a toxic friend and the tactics they use to draw people in.
Not every socially gifted person is toxic. Toxic traits and behaviors tend to be part of a pattern rather than a one-off misunderstanding, Christie Ferrari, a clinical psychologist, said. Their charm and confidence help them make instant connections. Beneath the surface lie some unsavory qualities such as the following.
Let's say you've been burned by lending money to friends. Not knowing this, a friend might ask to borrow money. This is an example of boundary-crossing. "It's when a person unknowingly violates a boundary you have because you didn't express it," Tracy Vadakumchery, a licensed mental health counselor, told HuffPost.
With toxic friends, ordinary encounters can turn into mind games. Brandon Colbert Photography via Getty Images
With toxic friends, ordinary encounters can turn into mind games. Brandon Colbert Photography via Getty Images
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"A boundary violation is when a person still crosses your boundary even after you clearly expressed your limits," she said. For example, you might have a rule about not answering phone calls past a certain time. A toxic friend will ignore you and continue calling for things that aren't an emergency.
By repeatedly violating your boundaries, your friend is telling you that their needs trump yours. Ruan agreed, saying that your friend might be offended when you try to uphold your boundaries. "They might make you feel guilty or punish you for saying no, such as excluding you, yelling at you, being passive-aggressive, or gossiping about you."
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Toxic people have difficulty understanding and relating to other people's feelings. They might think that you're overreacting to a romantic breakup or a layoff until they've experienced this kind of loss firsthand. "In friendships, someone with low empathy may dismiss your feelings, call you sensitive, and act bored when you're talking," Ferrari said. They don't seem interested in getting to know you and might seem annoyed when something good happens to you.